Idaho lawmakers passed a new law today, which outlaws the prayers and/or supplications of any kind for more moisture. Under immense pressure from the general public, the state congress passed the bill with an eighty percent majority vote. It was hailed by Idaho Republicans as a shining example of what communities could accomplish in times of need, while house Democrats were torn between being angry that such a civil liberty could be stifled, but glad to see God taken out of the weather which, as of last year, is under state control in order to stabilize the green energy movement.
“It was just getting to be too wet,” according to Marideth Ray, a Boise resident. “Enough’s enough. The farmers prayed for their precious moisture, it snowed all winter, rained all spring, and now those whiners have gotten themselves into a real pickle if you ask me. It’s as though people in Idaho mindlessly pray for moisture whether we need it or not.”
Also in attendance at the law’s passing were some angry tea partiers. Phil Douglas, a local bartender and war vet, marched on Idaho’s capital with chants of “Bring the pain! Make it rain!” He was joined for a short time by local youth until the youth discovered that Mr. Douglas was picketing for the freedom of religion and not to convince congress to bring rap superstar T-pain to Idaho in order to “make it rain.”
The document, signed today by Idaho State Governor Butch Otter, is 300 pages long and bans all forms of supplication to all forms of deity, the only exception being that followers of The New Church of Garth Brooks are exempt from the ban with the stipulation that one of their main tenants remain that “some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.”
Finally! A definitive answer to the question “Who’ll stop the rain?”
ReplyDeleteposed by John Fogerty of C.C.R. in 1670. The answer: government policy. Amazingly, the government can control the weather, but they cannot balance a check book.
...not to convince congress to bring superstar T-Pain to Idaho in order to "make it rain." I literally just laughed out loud in the Ricks building.... also the The New Church of Garth Brooks being exempt. This is really good. Thanks for the laugh today.
ReplyDeleteThe topic I want to cover in this letter is big and complex, and I don't have much in the way of scientific data on it. Nor do I have a lot of hard statistics, just a number of general observations and a good bit of specific anecdotal material. Here's the story: It may seem difficult at first to help you reflect and reexamine your views on Luke Thomas. It is. But if we foreground the cognitive and emotional palette of Luke's venom-spouting screeds rather than their pathology we can enter vitally into his world. Why do we want to do that? Because Luke intends to create a new social class. Ignorant, directionless sciolists, domineering bloodsuckers, and inarticulate nebbishes will be given aristocratic status. The rest of us will be forced into serving as their admirers.
ReplyDeleteI've said this before, and I'll say it again, but I am shocked and angered by Luke's nutty improprieties. Such shameful conduct should never be repeated. What does this mean for our future? For one thing, it means that Luke hates people who complain about heartless, foul-mouthed twaddlers. He wants such people nabbed, grabbed, and thrown out of the country. I have taken the liberty of letting him know that we must understand that his permissive attitude toward crude language and gestures, sexual promiscuity, and drugs makes me think that the central preconception in Luke's paranoid style is the belief in the existence of a vast, crude, preternaturally effective international conspiratorial network designed to envelop us in a nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror. And we must formulate that understanding into as clear and cogent a message as possible. Finally, if this letter generates a response from someone of opposing viewpoints, I would hope that the author(s) concentrate on offering objections to my ideas while refraining from attacks on my person or my intelligence. I've gotten enough of that already from Luke Thomas.
In the legislatures defense, chances are they didn't know exactly what they were signing. Ya see, elected officials "read" new bills in much the same way that most people "read" the terms and conditions of itunes before clicking agree.
ReplyDeleteWhy wouldn't you read the terms and conditions on itunes? How do you know if you agree with something if you don't sign it?
ReplyDelete